Fun Topic Adult Hindi Jokes

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Teacher : Hamesha kaho ki mujhe sab pata hai.
Chotte : Papa mujhe sab pata hai
Papa : beta ye 50 ruppee le aur chup rehna.
Chotte : Mummy muje sab pata hai
Mummy : beta ye 100 ruppee le aur chup rehna.
Chotte (nokar se): Raamu kaka mujhe sab pata hai
Ramu kaka : Aa mera beta apne baap ke gale lag jaa..!!

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Ek ladki sadak par akeli jaa rahi thi, pichhe se ek ladka bola : Ghar tak lift chahiye kya?
Ladki : Bhag jaa harami 3 din se lift le rahi hoon abhi tak ghar nahi pahuchi

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Anil road par nanga bhag raha tha.
Sunil ne usse rok kar poocha: Arre bhai aisa kyun kar rahe ho, kyun nanga bhag rahe ho, tumhe sharam nahi aati?
Anil: Kyun ki aaj tum jaldi ghar aagaye, Issi liye.

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Tansen ki Ichaa

To bhaiyon yeh baat
hai Akbar ke zamane ki.

Usne 9 chutiye paal rakhe the. Popularly known as his 9
ratans!!!

Birbal aur Tansen me bada competition raha karta tha.

Ek din gusse me aake Tansen kehta hai ki "Ab faisla ho
hi jaye ki kaun zyada bada akalmand hai? Main shart lagata hoon ki main Jodha
Bai ke mammey choos sakta hoon"

Birbal ki has has ke gaand me dard ho gaya. Kehta hai ki
"Agar tune aisa kar diya to agle din bhari sabha mein main nangaa aaunga"

Bas fir hona kya tha lag gayi shart.

Tansen gaya bazaar ek sapere ke paas. Kehta hai ki
"Bhai, mujhe ek saanp chahiye, untrained aur bina zehar ke hona
chahiye".

Saanp khareed ke Tansen usko ghar pe training dena shuru
karta hai. Ek aadmi ka putla banake saanp ko kehta hai "Beta Sappu uske
tang pe kaat". To sappu putle ke taang pe jake das leta hai. Aise hi
training karte karte sappu Tansen ka ishara dekh kar taang, haath, gala, ityadi
ko dasna seekh jaata hai. Jahan bhi Tansen ishara karta, Sappu waha das leta.
Training karke sappu ab taiyar ho gaya Big Day ke liye.

Ab baat aisi thi ki Akbar aur Jodha bai har subah apne
bageeche me sair ke liye nikalte the. Agle din subah Tansen bhi apne sappu ke
saath bageeche me ja pahuncha aur jhadiyon me chhip gaya.

Jahaan panah aur begum ko aata dekh tansen ne sappu ko phat
se nikalke zameen pe chhod diya aur ishara Jodha bai ke mammon ki taraf karke
bola. "Beta Sappu dikha apna kamaal ja das le rani ke Mammon ko."
Sappu phat se gaya, begum ki taang par chadh ke, mansal Jangho se gujerke chut
ko par kar ke seedha ja pahunchta hai mammon ke beech vali khai me vaha se plan
ke mutabik seedha left turn le ke chadh jata hai top pe aur ek second mein
saali ko das leta hai nipple pe!

Jodha chikhne lagi "Arey jahanpanah kuchh keriye"

Akbar to paagal ho gaya "Arre bachao koi bachao meri
begum ko saanp ne das liya koi Bachao"

Tabhi Tansen nikla jhadiyon se, bhaag ke gaya aur bola
"Jahan panah ek upaay hai mere paas rani sahebaan ko bachane ka. Mein agar
zehar choos kar bahar nikal doon to aap gussa hokar meri gand to naahi katwa
denge na.

Akbar bola "Jo bhi karna hai jaldi karo but meri begum
ko bacha lo."

Phir kya tha Tansen ne phat se Jodha bai ko pakda, uske kapde
fade aur mammey bahar nikal kar chhosne laga. Poore ke poore choos dale.

Birbal ne ye baat suni to uski gaand se maano Rocket guzar
gaya. Man hi man sochne laga Bhenchod kal to lut gayee izzat, bhare darbaar me
nang dhadang jaana padega. Usne khoob socha, baal khujlaye lekin no idea. Gaand
jab khujayee to idea Lund ki tarah uchhal kar bahar aaya.

Agle din darbaar laga, Akbar ne sabke samne Tansen ki tareef
ki aur kaha agar tansen me zehar choosne ki shakti nahi hoti to Jahan panah aaj
randwe hote aur akele apne aap hilaa rahe hote.

Tansen on the other hand cud not wait for Birbal to make an
appearance. Khushi ke maare pagal ho raha tha ye soch kar ki jab Birbal bhare
darbaar me nanga hokar aayega to Akbar sharm se paani paani ho jayega, YESSS.
Aur Wo birbal ke gaand pe itne hunter maarenge ki Birbal ki 7 pushte muh se
hagegi.

Tabhi darbaar me hulchul machi, sabne dekha ki Birbal nanga
hokar, apna lund haath me pakde, daudta hua aa raha hai. Bas phir hona kya tha
Akbar gusse se laal ho gaya "Birbal ye kya gustakhi hai? Teri himmat kaise
hui aise nange aane ki."

Birbal bola "Haye Jahan panah mai mar gaya mujhe saap ne
kaat liya mere lund pe."

Akbar bola "Oh my god, Tansen ja choos Birbal ka lund"

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Gandpatrai…..


A Bihari GANPAT-RAI
(who really needs a job) is being interviewed by Britisher, Colonel Smith.

Col. Smith: Haan toh Gaand Fat rahai (Ganpat-Rai) !!

Bihari: Nahi sir, Zyada nahi!!

Col. Smith: Kya ‘zyada nahi’ bolta hai, tumhara application
mein likha Hua hai Gand fat rahai.

Bihari : Theekh hai mai baap, likha hai to fat raha hoga.

Col. Smith: Tum Daily marata hai (tum delhi me rahta hai)?

Bihari : Nahi sir, kabhi kabhi!!

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, idhar aao, kya ‘kabhi kabhi’ bolta
hai? Tumhara application mein likha hua hai ki tum Daily marata hai.

Bihari : Theek hai mai bap, likha hai to marta honga.

The Bihari was employed on one condition that he will do
whatever Col.Smith’s family asks him to do.

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai!!

Ganpatrai : Ji maalik.

Col. Smith: Aaj tum ko 3 kaam karnee kaa haai

Ganpatrai : Hukum Sarkaar

Col. Smith: Tum pehla hamaari beti ko chodenga (drop her
off)…baad mein hamaari biwi ko chodenga…aur uske baad mein hum ko chodenga.

Ganpatrai : Maaf karna Sarkaar, tumhari biwi aur beti to
theek hai, lekin main aap ko nahi choddh sakta.

Col.Smith: Gand fatrahai! Tum ko hum ko chodnaa padhega.

Ganpatrai : Nahi sarkaar aisa zulum naa kare.

Col. Smith: Gand fatrahai, agar tum hum ko nahi chod sakta to
hum tumko nokri se nikaal denga.

Ganpatrai : Theek hai sarkaar ….jo hukum. After a few days
There is no one except

Col.Smith’swife at home. She is alone in her bedroom.While wearing
her bra she is unable to Tie the knot behind.So……

Wife : Gand fatrahai, idhar aaoo?

Ganpatrai : Ji Maalkin.

Wife : Gand fatrahai, hammara peeche se gaand maaro (gaanth
maro-tie the bra knot).

Ganpatrai : Yeh kya keh rahi hai Maalkin??

Wife : Gand fatrahai, jaldi se gaand maaro hum ko late hota
hai.

Ganpatrai : Nahi Nahi Maalkin. Agar maine aisa kiya to hum ko
sarkar kacha kha jayenge.

Wife : Gand fatrahai, agar tumne jaldi se hamari gaand nahi
maari to hum tumko kacha kha jaayengi.

Ganpatrai : Theek hai maalkin. Jo hukum. Ganpatrai who has
been frustrated by these Brits for a long time starts like a bull. Panic
striken the wife tries to turn and shouts :

Wife : GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI, GAND FATRAHAI !!!
Ganpatrai :Memsaab…Gaand maarega to Gaand to phatega hiiiiiiiiiii

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Ek pagal nanga bazar mein ghoom raha tha

Uska wo bahot bada tha,

Ek aurat ne dekha to boli

Hamara desh tarakki kaise karega

Saare kaam ke admi to pagal hai

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Son: (pointing to the breast) Mom ye kya hai?

Mom: Ye balloon hai.

Son: Mom aapke balloon kamwali ke balloon se chhote kyun hain?

Mom: Tune kamwali ke kab dekhe?

Son: Jab papa hawa bhar rahe the.

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Husband : Main ye roz roz ke condom lagane ki jhanjhat se pareshan ho gaya hoon.

Wife : To phir tum lamination kyun nahi karwa lete!

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Sunny: Papa, aaj se school mein ek period Sex Education ka bhi shuru ho gaya hai.
Papa: Good! Lekin tum Lulli kyon hila rahe ho?
Sunny: Madam ne homework diya hai.

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Munni woh din yaad karo
Jab hum tum sath nahate the,
Tum chut pe sabun malti thi ,
Hum land pe jhag udate the.
Munna woh din beet gaye ,
Jab hum tum sath nahate the,
Ab chut chupane ki bari hai,
Munni bharat ki nari hai.

Munni woh din yaad karo
Jab hum tum sath sote the,
Tum chut mein kheti karti thi ,
Hum land pe ganne bote the.
Munna woh din beet gaye ,
Jab chut mein kheti hoti thi,
Ab land ki fusslo ki khatir,
Humne ise banjar bana diya.

Munni woh din yaad karo
Jab luka chipi khelte the,
Tum lahanga pahan kar aati thi,
Aur hum usme chup jate the.
Munna woh din beet gaye,
Jab hamne tumhe chupaya tha,
Ab tum to jaat ke bhalu ho,
Lahange me shahad ka chhatta hai.

Munni woh din yaad karo,
Jab sath deewali khele the,
Tum chut pe tikli rakhti thi ,
Hum land se foda karte the.
Munna woh din beet gaye,
Jab chut pe tikli fodi thi.
Ab chut hamari pyari hai,
Aur loda tera bhikhari hai.

Munni woh din beet gaye
Han munni woh din beet gaye.
Ab chut ke darshan ki khatir ,
Hum chut chalisa padhte hai,
Par chut nahi darshan deti,
Hum land se ladte rahte hai.
Par waqt hamara aayega.
Jab hum bhi tum ko chodenge,
Tum land land chillaogi
Hum chut me danda pelenge.
Munni munne ko kam na samajh
Yeh teri phudi chodega..
Tu pair pakad kar royegi..
Teri chut me keeel (nails) thokega